Touched By Michael.
Forever.
"A director. A visionary. A man who has never met an explosion he wouldn't shoot from four angles in slow motion." — Us, right now, thinking about the finale of Armageddon.
"I was really touched by Michael as a kid.
Armageddon rewired my brain about oil rigs, sacrifice, and Aerosmith."
The Filmography.
A body of work spanning three decades, four Transformers sequels, and approximately eight metric tons of pyrotechnic gel. Below: the essentials. Fight us.
Bad Boys
The origin. Slow-motion dolly-around. The blueprint.
The Rock
Alcatraz. Sean Connery. Chemical weapons. Perfect.
Armageddon
Oil drillers stop an asteroid. Aerosmith soundtrack. Legally a masterpiece.
Pearl Harbor
Historical. Explosive. Ben Affleck flies a P-40. Everyone cries.
Bad Boys II
The Miami highway chase. The Cuba boat chase. Everything.
The Island
Clones. Ewan McGregor. A giant letter "R" rolls down a highway.
Transformers
Cars became robots. Cinema was never the same.
Pain & Gain
The lean, mean, Miami-noir sleeper. The Rock. Wahlberg. God.
13 Hours
Benghazi. Restraint. (Relatively speaking.)
Ambulance
Ninety minutes of one ambulance being chased through Los Angeles. Kino.
Signature Moves.
You know one when you see one. If a film contains three of the following, it is a Michael Bay film. If it contains all seven, it is an essential Michael Bay film.
The Circle-Around Hero Shot
Camera orbits a low-angle hero at exactly the emotional peak. American flag optional but recommended.
The Walk Away From the Explosion
Nobody looks back. Nobody flinches. The fireball is respecting them, not the other way around.
Orange & Teal Everything
The color palette. If it's not orange and it's not teal, it hasn't been graded yet.
Golden Hour, 24 Hours a Day
Somehow the sun is always setting. In every scene. In every country. Physics doesn't apply on set.
The Slow-Mo Reveal
Character walks into frame at 1/4 speed. There is wind. There is dust. There is a small explosion behind them for no reason.
Aerial Push-In
Helicopter shot descends toward the hero from 200 feet up. Wraps around them once. Ascends again.
The American Flag Cutaway
Whenever a moment gets emotional, cut to a slow-motion American flag rippling in the wind. Doesn't need to be diegetic. Isn't.
We were all kids once.
Sitting in a suburban living room. Popcorn on the carpet. Watching an oil rig on an asteroid explode to Aerosmith. Something in us was rewired that night. We have never been the same.
The Fans Speak.
Some of the millions of Americans, and one nervous Canadian, who have been personally touched.
"When I saw Armageddon at nine years old, my body knew something my brain didn't: I was going to spend the rest of my life waiting for a movie to make me feel that way again. It hasn't happened. But I'm patient."
"I don't know if the flag was actually there or if my dad was crying or if Michael Bay put it there in post. All I know is that when the flag rippled, I stood up. Everyone in the theater stood up."
"I got married last October. Our first dance was 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.' My wife walked down the aisle in slow motion. The photographer got so many lens flares. It was a real Michael Bay wedding and I regret nothing."
"My therapist says I need to 'process' the ending of Pearl Harbor. I told her I already have. I've processed it forty-two times."
"I lit a Roman candle on my roof once and it went sideways into the neighbor's tree. Everyone was fine. But for one moment, I felt like Michael Bay. It was the best moment of my adult life."
"He didn't touch me personally. But I feel like he did? Which is, honestly, the whole point of cinema."
Someday: Bayland.
Every ride ends in a controlled fireball. Every teacup is on fire. The Ferris wheel plays "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" continuously. The parking lot has its own American flag. Admission is $80 and worth every penny.
What If Michael Bay Directed Boise?
Every trip to the DMV would end in a slow-motion escape sequence. The Capitol dome would be lit from three angles at all times. A muscle car would flip through downtown once per hour, no reason given.
This Website's Emotional Register.
Somewhere between the bald eagle carrying the American flag through fireworks over a sunset and Ben Affleck's line, "Do we have to save the world? Alone?"
Have you been touched
by Michael?
Submit your testimonial. Our editorial board (one guy, extremely emotional about Armageddon) reviews every one. Selected quotes are featured on this page.
Email testimony@touchedbymichael.com with your story. Keep it to 200 words. Bring the flag.